Moron Church of Latter-day Saints

Following the False Traditions of Our Fathers.
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  • Why John Dehlin and Kate Kelly care about being excommunicated

    Posted on June 12th, 2014 admin    Uncategorized 1 comment

  • Ex Mormon claims to have Mitt Romney in Temple Endowment Session – Don’t Believe Him

    Posted on October 30th, 2012 admin    Uncategorized 2 comments

  • Flat Lander Announces Fund Raider and Candidacy

    Posted on April 13th, 2012 Cliff the Wino    Leaders, Videos No comments

  • Mormons are as Insensitive as Westboro Baptists

    Posted on February 22nd, 2012 Cliff the Wino    Temple Education Series, Videos No comments

    Upon learning that the good folks at COJCOLDS have baptized Holocaust victim Anne Frank yet again, we released this video.

  • Understanding Why Mormons Baptize Dead Jewish Holocaust Victims

    Posted on February 20th, 2012 Cliff the Wino    Temple Education Series, Videos No comments

    We released this video after learning that the COJCOLDS folks were still baptizing Holocaust victims.

  • Our Valentine’s Day Video

    Posted on February 13th, 2012 Cliff the Wino    Other Leaders, Videos No comments

    We have just released this new Valentine’s Day video.

  • Hinckley: “Monson is an Ass” Packer is Evil

    Posted on March 3rd, 2011 Cliff the Wino    Press Release No comments

    Moron Church of Latter-day Saints Presiding Bishop Flat Lander recently conducted a post-baptism interview with Gordon B. Hinckley, former President and Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who was baptized by proxy into the Moron Church.

    BFL: Congratulations on your baptism in the Moron Church of Latter-day Saints, Gordon.

    HINCKLEY: Does this cancel my baptism in COJCOLDS?

    BFL: We can put in a cancellation for you if you wish.

    HINCKLEY: Yes, please do.

    BFL: Not a problem. You had quite a bit of administrative experience when you were alive, we were thinking of putting you to work for us now.

    HINCKLEY: Go F—– Yourself!

    BFL: Oh.

    HINCKLEY: I’m dead and I’m not working a regular job ever again.

    BFL: Fair enough, how about a position as a part-time consultant?

    HINCKLEY: What’s it pay?

    BFL: What do you want?

    HINCKLEY: I’ll get back to you on that. When do I start?

    BFL: Right now. Our membership drive isn’t going quite as well as we would like. Do you have any insights on how we can increase our numbers?

    HINCKLEY: In COJCOLDS we mostly used deception and guilt.

    BFL: We have standards.

    HINCKLEY: Then why did you hire me?

    BFL: Maybe you could just tell me some of COJCOLDS’s biggest secrets.

    HINCKLEY: Monson is an ass.

    BFL: I knew that.

    HINCKLEY: Packer and Oaks hate each other and both are pure evil.

    BFL: I knew that too.

    HINCKLEY: Anything else I can help you with?

    BFL: I’ll get back to you on that.

  • Official Smithmas Card Released

    Posted on December 19th, 2010 admin    Uncategorized No comments

    In hopes that all can share in the delusion of the season, we release our Official Smithmas Card for 2010.

    The Official Smithmas Card for 2010

    The Official Smithmas Card for 2010

    For a larger version of the Smithmas card go here.

  • LDS Temple Wedding Video

    Posted on December 7th, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Videos No comments

  • Most Excellent Potentate Appointed Vice Bishop

    Posted on December 1st, 2010 Cliff the Wino    Administration, Other Leaders 1 comment
    Most Excellent Potentate (shown here impersonating the Governor of California) has been appointed Vice Bishop in the Moron Church

    Most Excellent Potentate (shown here impersonating the Governor of California) has been appointed Vice Bishop in the Moron Church

    Most Excellent Potentate (known to some as “Oh Say What Is Truth”) has been appointed to the recently created important office of President of Apostolic Vices and Vice Bishop for Public Nudity, Licentiousness and Carnality.   In this role he will serve as the President of the Quorum of Apostolic Vices and will serve without counselors.  Because of this, his duties will be very “hands on” with all Apostolic Vices and will be responsible for personally watching and engaging in a variety of Apostolic Vice actions.

    Members of the Quorum of Apostolic Vices will be known as Vice Apostles with special assignments to “touch” both the lives and the bodies of members desiring to be so touched.  The Vice Apostles will help members get that “special feeling” that can often only be accomplished by applying warm, scented oil in certain special ways.

    The Moron Church is now accepting applications for membership in the Quorum of Apostolic Vices.  Please submit a résumé and appropriate video evidence of your qualifications.  Veterans, minorities, women and amputees are encouraged to apply.  Registered sex offenders will only be considered for positions in the afterlife.  Void where prohibited by law.     Position requires multiple organ donations, cultivation of open sores on legs, arms and neck, and handling toxic waste in the nude.  These positions are all “church service” (volunteer) positions with no salary, health benefits or food or travel reimbursement.  All church employees must live the standards of the church and are subject to body cavity searches without warning at any time, while at work or while away from work.